Haunted Miracles
by Happy Bells
Summary: Bella has a Halloween surprise for Edward, but will a past hang up prevent him from finding happiness in his wife’s news? All Human. One- shot.
1. Haunted Miracles

**Pen Name:** Happy Bells

**Story Title:** Haunted Miracles

**Description:** Bella has a Halloween surprise for Edward, but will a past hang up prevent him from finding happiness in his wife's news? All Human. One- shot.

**Word Count:** 4343

*****

"Bella, you've put on weight." My best friend's voice was not accusing, to my surprise, but thoughtful- which I think worried me more.

"Thanks Alice." I grinned dryly, "It's a good thing I know your one track fashion obsessed mind well enough to not be offended."

Alice Cullen's eyes darted from my stomach to my face, "Watch it." She narrowed her eyes and grinned evilly, holding up a pin as a threat.

I grimaced, knowing that being stuck here in Alice's bedroom in a half complete mermaid costume put me totally at her mercy.

"Must have been all that food on honeymoon." I grinned, patting my stomach, "Rio had some rather interesting combinations." Some had had me throwing up like crazy.

I allowed my thoughts to drift next door, where my new husband was hanging out with his brothers, Jasper and Emmett, while Alice was fitting me for my costume for the massive Halloween party she threw each year.

Edward Cullen and I had got married three months ago before taking a really long honeymoon in Rio de Janeiro. When we'd returned, he'd surprised me with the most beautiful, cosy face brick home- just next door to Alice and Jasper.

Edward and I had been mutual friends for years through Alice and Jasper before he'd finally confessed he loved me, four months later, he'd proposed, saying he knew I was the one and that he didn't want to wait anymore.

And me being as crazy in love with the man as I was, couldn't say anything other than yes.

"I don't think it was the _food_ that gave you those extra pounds on honeymoon." She mused, grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes, "What are you getting at, Alice?"

"I'd look more to the…nights of your honeymoon…" she trailed off suggestively.

I paled in the face instantly when I got what she was insinuating, "Alice!" I hissed in surprise.

"What?" she shrugged innocently, "You're glowing, Bella. Pregnancy hormones." She stated, looking proud of herself, "And that is not from food." She pointed to my stomach, "I know yours and Rosalie's sizes and you're 2¼cm bigger than when I measured you for your wedding dress."

"It's impossible, you know this, Alice." I managed to get out, "Please, don't let Edward hear you throw stuff like this around, it'll only hurt him."

She huffed in annoyance, "But Bella…"

"No." I said with finality, "You know it can't happened, just leave it. There's no way I'm pregnant."

I knew I was being harsh, but when Edward and I were first dating, he'd told me that due to a rather serious case of mumps when he was a teenager, he wouldn't be able to have children. I remembered his exact expression- he'd been terrified that I'd leave him because of it, in fact, he'd made me take some time away from him to think about whether I could handle not having kids in my future. That week had been unnecessary as I'd already loved him with all my heart, and time away from him would only hurt me.

I'd shown up at his apartment in tears, telling him that all I'd ever want in life was him and that he should stop trying to get rid of me. When he'd broken down as well that night, I'd learnt just how deeply the knowledge that he couldn't give me kids affected him, and I never truly bought it up again- it didn't matter to me- he was all I needed. All I would ever need.

*****

"Edward?" I called out when I walked through the door that evening after Alice had finally let me go. The house was quiet so I assumed that Emmett and Jasper had left.

But it was too quiet.

And I couldn't figure out why all the lights seemed to be off.

"Edward?" I called again, frowning slightly- I knew he was home.

Moving through the foyer into the living room, I noticed that there was in fact a light on, and it was coming from the small dining room just off the kitchen.

When I entered the room, I smiled widely: The few boxes we had yet to unpack were shoved out of the way, table clothes draped over them and candles strategically placed on them to light the room. The dining room table had been set beautifully- the silver cutlery gleaming softly, reflecting the red of the roses set in the table's centre.

Lost in the romantic surroundings, I jumped slightly when I felt two arms surround my waist from behind, but relaxed immediately when my body recognised his touch.

"Welcome home, Mrs Cullen." Edward murmured, his breath on my ear making me shiver.

Smiling widely, I turned around in his arms to face him, "What is all this?" I reached up to brush a lock of his bronze colour hair off his forehead.

He shrugged, "I wanted to surprise my beautiful wife with a nice dinner."

I revelled in his words, even after three months, my heart still sped up when he referred to me as his wife. He might've felt as though he wasn't a whole man for me, but our thinking was worlds apart in that aspect- I was so incredibly lucky that I was enough for him.

"I figured you might need it after a day with Alice." He chuckled, "She sent my costume over with Jasper."

"And?" I asked curiously as he walked to the table, pulling out a chair for me.

"I'm under strict instruction not to tell you." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes; Alice had planned both our costumes to match but had threatened us severely if we told each other what we were wearing. It was typical Alice- only she cared this much about Halloween.

"Champaign?" Edward asked, holding out the tilted bottle, ready to fill my glass.

I hesitated, Alice's earlier words about pregnancy suddenly making me unsure. I didn't believe her, it was after all, impossible, but suddenly the thought of drinking made me feel uneasy.

"No thanks." I smiled, "I'm not really in the mood for alcohol tonight."

Edward shrugged and left the room, returning without the bottle.

"You can still have." I protested.

He quickly kissed my cheek before returning to his seat, "The point of tonight is not the drinking, but spending some time with my wife."

The chicken Edward had prepared was divine and we actually talked very little while I dug in- I was extremely hungry for some reason.

I tried to help clear away afterwards, but Edward stopped me, taking the dishes and blowing out the candles himself.

"I love you Bella." He said, taking me tenderly into his arms, "Thank you for marrying me."

"Stop thanking me!" I told him firmly, squeezing him closer to me, "I love you, there's no one else I could've married."

His deep green eyes smouldered as he bent his head to kiss me, gently, soft brushes of his lips over mine. Every time I tried to deepen the kiss, he'd pull back slightly and carry on teasing me. I could feel the slight smile on his lips.

"Edward." I whimpered eventually when it became too much, "Kiss me, dammit."

He grinned wider and then relented, groaning when our mouths made proper contact.

Our kiss was passionate, urgent. My hands tangled in his naturally messy hair while his thumbs trailed fire along the skin exposed by my ridden up shirt.

"Bella." Edward breathed my name in a sigh and suddenly I was up in his arms bridal style and being carried hurriedly up to our bedroom. It had been the first room Edward had wanted to unpack and set up.

"I see how it is." I couldn't help teasing him as we both pulled away briefly for air, "Dinner was just a ploy to get me into bed."

Edward chuckled as he lay me back lovingly on the huge bed, "All it all is to me is showing you how much I love you."

And then words were no longer necessary as his lips returned to mine.

*****

"Edward?" I asked timidly as we lay lazily tangled together much, much later.

"Hmm?" he was tracing random patterns on my bare back as I lay curled against his side.

I paused for a moment as I wondered how on earth to talk to him about this.

"Bella?" he opened his eyes, "What is it?"

I sighed and decided to just ask, "Did you ever get tested again?"

He immediately stiffened, his hand stopping its actions along my back, and I knew he knew what I was talking about.

"I knew it." Was all he said, covering his face with his free hand.

"Knew what?" I asked, not expecting to not understand his reaction, "Edward?" I tugged on his hand but he held it there firmly.

Eventually he slid his hand from his face and looked at me, his stunning green eyes pained, "I knew you would want children." He murmured, "I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon." He sighed heavily and I immediately sat up, grabbing both his hands in mine.

"Stop it." I whispered fiercely, "It hurts me when you hurt yourself over this. It. Doesn't. Matter. To. Me."

"Then why did you ask?" he took one of his hand out of mine and used it to prop his head up off the bed.

"I was just curious." I told him, not daring to bring up Alice's false suspicions.

Edward sighed and pulled me down so that I was in his arms again, "I'm sorry for overreacting." He murmured in my ear, "But to answer your question, yes."

"When?" I asked softly, running my fingers through his hair soothingly.

"The day after I met you." He admitted, "Before we got together."

He didn't have to continue; his reaction a moment ago told me what the results had been. So instead of continuing, I lightened the mood.

"A bit presumptuous, Mr Cullen." I teased him.

He chuckled and kissed me deeply, making me forget what we were talking about until he pulled away and said, "I knew you were the one the moment I saw you. I just thought you deserved better than me."

My heart melted and ached all at the same time and when I kissed him, I sincerely hoped he could feel how much I loved him.

*****

"You look like a true underwater princess. You're beautiful." Edward told me with a smile as I walked out of the bathroom in my costume, the night of Alice's Halloween party. The mermaid costume I was in was actually a turquoise dress that fell to the floor in uneven ends. Alice had sewn sequins and shells all over the bottom half of the bodice and my hair was down in tousled waves- still damp from my shower for affect. My make up was minimal, but had been done with exact accordance to my best friend's instructions over the phone.

"Thank you." I smiled at my husband, my smile brighter than usual, "You, however, I might need to glue myself to your side tonight. To keep the admirers away." I let my eyes rake appreciatively over him, making him chuckle. He was dressed as a Hawaiian surfer. A shirtless Hawaiian surfer. With the brightly coloured board baggy shorts and even a shark's tooth leather necklace around his neck.

"I only have eyes for you." He whispered, kissing me gently as not to disturb my lip gloss enough to get me in trouble with Alice.

He grinned and took my hand, "Let's go beautiful."

I was almost giddy as he led me to the already noisy house next door, but not because of a Halloween party where my husband would get hit on and dancing would more than likely be forced on clumsy me, but because tonight was the night that I was telling Edward he was going to be a father.

I didn't know how it was possible, but the doctor had confirmed my pregnancy this morning.

After about a week of not feeling one hundred percent myself, Alice's words had come back to me, and I had started to look at my symptoms in an entirely different light: Tiredness from the most mundane, simple tasks like climbing stairs, nausea at random, unplanned times; but what had finally helped convince me was when my period was over a week late…and I realised that I hadn't had a period in the last two months.

So after two days of dwelling on this and avoiding Edward's constant concern, I'd finally phoned Alice this morning and asked her to take me to the doctor- I would have asked Edward, but I hadn't wanted to get his hopes up like that, only to cruelly destroy them if the results had been negative.

But they hadn't been and now I was officially having a baby in six months. I couldn't wait to tell him, and had wanted to rush right in and tell him the news this morning, but Alice had stopped me, saying that it would make her party even more special if she knew Edward was getting the news during it.

Now, as Edward and I walked into the party together, I was once again amazed at the simple decorations that were more effective than anything expensive and fancy would have ever been. A quick glance around the crowded living room revealed the walls were draped in orange satin, black shapes of bats stuck on and there was even a smoke machine in the corner by the bar, enhancing the already perfect atmosphere she'd created.

"Edward!" we'd barely spotted our friends in the crowd, when a high pitched, annoying voice called my husband.

I groaned as I watched the blonde sway towards us, dressed very inappropriately in a playboy bunny suit. Well if you wanted to call it a suit- she was obviously hoping to get laid tonight.

"Tanya." Edward greeted her like the polite gentleman he was.

"Your costume is awesome." She commented, her eyes lingering on his chest. She completely ignored me.

I squeezed Edward's hand then in a total 'I told you so' gesture. He grinned sideways at me.

"Thanks." He replied, dropping my hand and wrapping an arm around my waist instead, "It was nice seeing you Tanya, but we need to find the host." He gave her another polite smile and led me away, a huge grin on his face at my expression.

"Alice needs to get a job with better co-workers. She irritates me." I grumbled

Edward laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement, "I wonder why."

I just pulled a tongue at him.

Eventually we caught up with Alice- she was standing with Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie; and we stayed and chatted awhile before I finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward." I leaned up to whisper into his ear, "I need to talk to you."

He nodded and we excused ourselves- I noticed Alice give me a wink and a thumbs up as we walked away to find somewhere quiet. I led him upstairs, and out to the large balcony that was just off Jasper's study- this was easily my favourite place in their whole house.

"Bella, love, what is it?" he asked, concerned as he stood next to me, leaning on the balcony.

"It's nothing bad." I grinned widely and he relaxed, feeling my elation, "I have fantastic news actually."

"Well?" he chuckled after my pause, "What is it?"

"We're having a baby. I'm pregnant." Just as my smile widened, I noticed his completely fall off his face.

Then something happened that shocked me completely.

His expression turned blank, cold- it was an expression that he'd never used with me before, one that I'd never expected him to use with me.

My smile faltered further, "Edward?"

He laughed but the sound was hollow, "Whose is it, Bella?"

I stared at him confused, genuinely confused as to why he'd ask that. "Ours, Edward." I said, "How can you ask that?"

He shook his head once- a hard gesture-before taking a step away from me and the balcony railing, "Because, Isabella," he growled, making me flinch, "I can't have children, remember?"

Then he started to walk back inside and the full impact of his accusation hit me, "How could you ever think I could betray you like that?" I whispered, the hurt tears starting to fill my eyes.

He paused mid step but didn't turn around, "I want you out of the house by the time I come home tomorrow night." Then he left me there without another word.

I stood there silent for a moment, letting what had just happened sink in, before the sobs overtook me with such force that I crumbled to my knees. What the hell had just happened? That was supposed to be some of the happiest news of our lives, and instead of joy and happiness, Edward wanted me…gone? More sobs attacked me, maybe he'd already wanted to get rid of me and this had just been a good excuse, maybe that's why this seemed so sudden. He couldn't really believe that I could do that to him, could he…?

I don't know how long I sat there crying and clutching myself together, but when I finally couldn't cry anymore tears, my heart still cried and I let my hand go down to my stomach, stroking it lightly with wonder.

"I love you, baby." I whispered hoarsely, "Daddy may not want us, but I do and I promise I'll protect you no matter what." My heart ached so much in that moment that I actually felt as if my chest would crack open. I didn't know what to do now. Didn't know if I could gather myself up enough to actually figure it out.

I wasn't sure exactly what happened next, all I know is that I was suddenly lifted off the ground, big hairy arms around me as I hung over the balcony edge- I let out an uncharacteristic shriek and my sobs started all over again- the scare breaking my fine layer of composure.

"Geez Emmett! You weren't supposed to make her cry!" I recognised the voice as Jasper's as the arms started to pull me back, safely onto the balcony.

"I'm sorry Bella." Emmett was the one currently holding me, I noticed now that I could take everything in again, "It was just meant to be a joke. Ha ha?" he offered weakly.

And I couldn't help but smile slightly, Emmett was a jokester and he always managed to make me smile, it was a mask because he tended to be uncomfortable around too much emotion. But this didn't stop him from placing me back on the ground and wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulder. Both he and Jasper were the best brother-in-laws I could ask for.

Jasper came around to my other side and placed a hand on my knee.

"Where's your other half?" he asked, making me shake my head and try not to cry harder. The worst part was that I didn't know. I didn't know if I would ever actually see him again.

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out as a way of response- I might as well tell them, who knew if I'd ever see the family I loved so much after tomorrow.

Jasper snorted, "And our idiot brother doesn't believe you." Was his statement. He knew of Edward's hang up.

"Son of a…" Emmett trailed off, "Want me to bea…talk some sense into him?"

I knew he wanted to help, but I couldn't everyone see that if he wouldn't listen to or believe me, he probably wouldn't listen to anyone.

"No." I whispered, "Guys, I hate to be rude…" I was barely holding it together.

"But you need to be alone right now." Jasper finished. He'd always been good at being able to tell what people were feeling.

The brothers both stood.

"Well congrats anyway, Bella." Emmett said with a smile and after each giving my shoulder one last comforting squeeze, they headed inside.

*****

"Alice, can I stay here with you guys tonight?" I asked my best friend when the party started winding down. I'd stayed up on the balcony as long as I could get away with but I knew I couldn't stay there forever.

I obviously wasn't doing a good job of hiding my emotions because as soon as Alice turned from the kitchen sink and laid her eyes on me, she immediately asked "What's wrong?"

That's all it took for me to burst into tears. Again.

"He doesn't believe it's his." I sobbed.

"What!" Alice shrieked, "That..." Alice trailed off, obviously not finding a strong enough word to describe my husband. Instead she just came and wrapped her tiny arms around me.

"Want me to talk to him?" she asked softly.

I almost laughed through my sobs, imagining how that conversation would go, "Don't Alice, please. He wants me out the house tomorrow. Can I stay here for awhile?"

"Of course." She said sympathetically, "You know where everything is, go on upstairs." I could see the anger behind her eyes and prayed that she wouldn't do anything about it, because as much as Edward hurt me, I could actually see this from his side.

The bed in Alice's guest room was huge, one of the most comfortable things I'd ever laid on.

But I could not for the life of me sleep that night.

I sighed irritably and rolled over for the millionth time that night. That's when I heard it.

The bedroom door opened slowly, a small creak coming from the hinges. My eyes immediately flew closed as I tried to adjust and even my breathing. I knew it was ridiculous being scared, the security here was really tight, it was probably Alice checking on me- even though that was a funny thought, being one 'o clock in the morning.

I felt a hand stroking my hair and I couldn't help but tense, "Bella." The voice was completely familiar, yet I had never heard so much pain in his voice before- even when he told me he couldn't have children.

My eyes flew open again and I could see my husband standing there, the soft moonlight from the gaps in the curtain illuminating him softly.

I sat up and turned the bedside light on and when I met Edward's eyes, they matched his voice. Pained, haunted.

"Bella." He said again in a whisper, "I'm so sorry. So sorry." He came and hesitantly sat on the edge of my bed.

I didn't respond, the ache in my chest, as well as the shock of seeing him again, wouldn't let me.

"Don't apologise." I eventually whispered, "You don't want me anymore, I get that. Don't make it any harder."

Edward let out a groan, "Bella…Geez Bella…I don't deserve you." He choked out and I realised he was holding back tears. Was he really apologising for wanting me gone here?

He let out a ragged breath, "I thought fate was teasing me with something I thought I could never have, Bella. Do you know how much joy filled me when you told me when you were pregnant? In that one second, I had everything."

"Well why did you leave?" I asked, "How could you think I could ever cheat on you?"

"Because I'm an idiot and I don't deserve you." He said, "But that baby is mine, Bella, I refuse to believe anything else anymore." His eyes were filled with so much love and longing that my heart ached- this time for him.

"You believe me?" I whispered.

He nodded, "And I never meant to doubt you, Bella, I just–"

"Never thought it would be possible?" I finished.

"Yes." He murmured, "But that's no excuse for how I took the news. I'm so sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I felt a gust of air fill up my chest as I let myself breathe again, "That sounds like plan."

Edward smiled tentatively, "You'll keep me?"

I grinned and nodded before sobering, "I need you to trust me, Edward, do you know how much it hurt that you thought I could ever do that to you? After everything we've been through."

"Yes, Bella, I saw your face." He was deeply contrite, "And it nearly killed me to leave you there, but I needed to get my head out of the clouds before I could accept it."

"And now?"

He let out a deep breath, "I don't know how it happened, but I'm ecstatic." His smile was genuine as he reached over to hesitantly touch my stomach. "I love you Bella, love that you've given me this."

I smiled and tilted his head up to look at me, "I love you too." His hand trailed up from my stomach, up my chest to rest on my cheek. His touch made me shiver.

Then without another word, he kissed me, letting everything he felt into that kiss- love, happiness. I finally knew that he knew this baby was his. A true miracle.

"Let me take you home." He whispered against my lips.

"I don't want to worry Alice by disappearing." I protested weakly, wanting nothing more than to curl up on our bed with him.

He shook his head, "She'll know. She just came from our house with me. Man that women has a vocabulary…"

I pulled back, wounded, "You needed Alice to believe me?"

His eyes widened and he pulled me to his chest, "No Bella! No. I was going to come to you tomorrow…well, this morning, but she just sped up the process."

I relaxed at his words, "Then take me home Edward."

He kissed me again and then he was carrying me next door, our giddiness both making us laugh like teenagers sneaking out.

And I knew we would be perfectly okay from here on out. Me, Edward, and our little boy.

**I'm thinking that I'll maybe add another two outtake chapters to this story: one where Alice spoke to Edward and the night where Bella goes to Edward's apartment after there week apart. **

**Please review? Tell me what you thought?**


	2. Outtake 1: Breaking And Making

**So, yes I know, I know- it's been awhile since you've all heard from me, and it will probably be awhile since you hear from me again**** (other than with 'My True Home'), but I promised these outtakes and I will darn well give them to you :-)**

**This is the one where Edward tells Bella about his 'supposed' infertility ;-)**

**Enjoy! Missed you guys!**

"Bella! If you run your hands through your hair one more time, I swear I'll hurt you!" Alice exclaimed when she saw my nervous hands start to gravitate towards my head for the millionth time within the past few minutes.

"I'm nervous Alice!" I protested.

My best friend rolled her eyes at me, "Well I can see that, I just don't get _why _though, it's just Edward for crying out loud."

I sighed and couldn't help a smile from crossing my lips at the thought of my beautiful man. It wasn't official- we'd only gone out a few times in the last three months, but we'd been friends for ages before, and in my heart, I knew there was no one else for me. I was in love with him, had been for months before he asked me on the first date. He just didn't know it yet.

"I know Alice." I groaned, "But he's going out of his way to take me somewhere fancy. I feel like something big is going to happen tonight."

"That isn't necessarily a bad thing." She pointed out. She was right of course; there were about a million good things that could come out of tonight- a confession of love for one, because deep inside, I knew he felt the same.

"Maybe tonight may also be _the night_." She emphasised with a teasing wink, "Which is why I forced matching underwear on you."

I blushed and didn't retort, there was that possibility too… in fact, my skin tingled at the thought of Edward Cullen touching me in the most intimate of ways, and, if his kisses and light kisses were any indication, my first time would be amazing when the time came.

A knock on the door broke me out of my thoughts. Alice grinned mischievously and got off the couch to answer it. "I'm only half expecting you to come home tonight, so Jasper's coming over later." she revealed just before she opened the door.

As soon as I laid eyes on the gorgeous man standing in the doorway, his hand poised to knock again, the nerves disappeared and pure happiness filled my gut.

"Bella." He smiled widely at me after hugging Alice hello. "You look beautiful, sweetheart."

I flushed in pleasure and immediately stepped into is arms for my hug. "Thanks." I murmured, our eyes locking and then closing as he dipped his head down to kiss me softly.

"Bye Alice." We both said when we'd parted and he led me out the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked him as we headed down from the apartment to his car.

Edward chuckled and squeezed my hand, "As I'm sure I've told you before, you'll see."

I fake pouted as he helped me into the car, but it didn't work as he just chuckled again and leaned over the drivers console to kiss me. This time a lot more passionately, with hands in hair and tongues intertwined.

"We should go." He whispered breathlessly, "I promise you'll like it." Then he cocked his head to the side thoughtfully and said, "Actually, I can't promise that. It's expensive." He winked and at me cheekily and I pinched his arm mockingly in response. Edward just laughed, put the car into gear and drove us off.

The car ride to The Lodge (I assumed it was there because it was the only fancy place around and we were heading in that direction) was pretty silent- not awkward, but we usually spoke more. Every time I didn't try to bring him into a conversation, it faltered after awhile. He seemed nervous and distracted.

"You okay? I asked him as he pulled into the parking lot at- I was right- The Lodge.

Edward turned to me and smiled, and though it seemed a bit tight around the edges, it was genuine.

"Yeah, I'm good beautiful." He kissed my cheek and got out the car. I waited for him to open my door, because he always did. He said it made him feel like he was treating me right. I always smiled at that.

Dinner was better- we talked and laughed and teased and were just, us. It was exactly how we always were and the fact that I could always be 100 percent myself around him made me love him more.

It all made me wonder if I'd imagined his sombre mood in the car.

"Don't look so unhappy, you know you enjoyed yourself." Edward teased me for pouting as he took care of the bill.

I sighed in defeat and stopped trying to hide my smile.

"Okay." I said, hooking my arm through his as he led me towards the exit, "Thank you, tonight was great."

"We should do it more often." He grinned and I pulled him to a stop as we reached the car.

"Don't you dare Edward Cullen!" I squeezed his arm in warning and he only chuckled before turning so he could look me in the eye.

"I don't understand, Bella." His hand came to rest on my cheek, "Why don't you like me spoiling you? Nothing makes me happier."

I hesitated before just deciding to be honest, "You're perfect for me Edward, and you give me enough just by wanting to be with me. I don't need any extras throwing us more off balance."

"That's ridiculous, Bella." he muttered before closing his eyes, "You regard me too highly."

I didn't understand his sudden change of mood, the sudden pain in his eyes, but before I could ask, he opened my door for me and quickly walked to the driver's side.

"Edward..." I tried as we drove, "I don't understand, what...?"

Had I come on too strong with my feelings? I was positive he'd felt the same, my little admission was nothing compared to the words that I wanted to say.

"No Bella, no." he said, "Don't blame yourself." he sighed, one hand leaving the steering wheel to run through his hair, "I need to tell you something tonight, something big."

So my feelings earlier tonight had been right...

Nothing else was said on the way back to the apartment and when we arrived. Edward immediately led me to the garden at the front of the blocks of apartment buildings, where we sat down on a corner bench that we'd sort of claimed as ours. Edward turned to look me in the eye, but made no move to touch me. My heart ached at the distance.

"What is it Edward?" I pleaded with him to tell me, the pained, resigned look in his eyes was scaring me. Something was haunting him, not only now, but ever since we'd met, I could tell something hurt him and I wanted to do something to ease the pain so badly.

"I'm not perfect for you Bella." he said, dropping his gaze from mine, "Not even close."

"What are you talking about? Of course you-"

"No!" I'm not!" he interrupted before gentling his tone, "Because if I was, I'd be able to give you a family one day. It's the least I should be able to offer you."

I let my mind absorb his words for a moment, trying to understand what he meant.

"Edward." I breathed in realisation, "Are you saying that you don't want kids? A family?" my heart sank, it was all I dreamt about -settling down with him- maybe a couple of children much later…

Edward broke me out of my thoughts by laughing bitterly, "I've never wanted anything more Bella, especially with you." his voice was rough, "But medically, I can't have kids. I had a serious case of mumps as a teenager- I never dreamed they'd make me infertile." He got up and started pacing as I thought about what I could say to that.

"Oh Edward." I felt tears slide down my cheeks for his pain, "I'm so sorry honey."

He sat down next to me again and ran his hand roughly through his tousled hair, "I don't think you understand what I'm saying here, Bella." He said almost harshly, "I can't be a real man for you. I don't deserve you and I'm not nearly as perfect as you perceive me to be."

"Stop it, Edward!" I suddenly felt angry; he was acting like this was the end of the world! The end of us… "You're as much of a man as any guy out there, maybe even better! I'm sorry this happened to you, but stop acting like it's a defining factor in our relationship. We'll deal with it, okay?" I'd taken his face between both my hands so I was staring directly into his eyes. They still looked sad at the end of my speech.

Edward pried my hands away from his face and gave them a tender squeeze.

"It's always been a defining factor in my relationships." He whispered brokenly, "A few women stayed, but when the truth sunk in, they left too."

"I won't." I promised. There was no way I could, I loved him with a love that left me breathless- I could deal with no children in my future as long as I had him, "Having children was never a big thing for me anyway." I added.

The sadness still hadn't left his beautiful eyes, "You say that now, Bella…" he closed his eyes briefly, "We need to take a break. You should think about this for awhile before you promise me anything."

"No! Edward, don't push me away, please." My voice was as desperate as my heart felt.

A hint of a smile appeared at the one corner of his lips as he reached out to touch my cheek, "Just a week, sweetheart. Give yourself a week. Just so you can make a clear headed decision. I won't interfere."

Suddenly I was angry again, but this time because he could so easily underestimate my feelings for him.

I shook my head, "Edward, I don't need a stupid week!"

"I'll see you next Saturday, Bella." He stood up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and before I knew it he was in his car and driving away. From me. For a week.

**Sunday**

I woke up that morning after maybe three hours of sleep- If I was lucky. I'd tossed and turned and cried and thought about how different this night should have ended. But worst of all, was the longing to be with Edward but knowing I couldn't be because of a stupid hang up!

I dragged myself out of bed- not wanting to lie and think anymore- and headed to the kitchen to grab myself some much needed coffee.

I immediately wished I hadn't.

Jasper and Alice were wrapped around each other, making out passionately- she was only dressed in his shirt. I'd done a good job of blocking out the moans and giggles last night- but to be fair; Alice hadn't thought I'd be home.

I cleared my throat loudly, making myself known.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed in surprise, breaking away from her fiancé of the last six months, "I didn't think you'd be home."

"Change of plans." I muttered, making myself a huge cup of coffee quickly so I could get out of their way.

"What the hell happened?" Alice exclaimed, and that's when I realised what a sight I must look: Old sweats (older than usual at least), tangled hair and puffy eyes.

"Later Alice, please." I begged, I couldn't talk about it now.

Her eyes softened and she nodded, "You wont be mad if I beat your brother up, Jazzy?" she asked him and he chuckled.

"There won't be anyone beating anyone else up." I put out there before Jasper could respond, because as much as I was hurting, I could sort of understand Edward's pain too. That, and I just didn't want them hurting my man. Well, he was still mine in my head at least...I gulped down my coffee and returned to my room where I found my Ipod, turned it as loud as it would go, and buried my head under my pillows. I didn't want to think anymore.

**Monday**

"Okay Bella Swan, I let you mope all day yesterday, but now I want to know just what exactly happened Saturday night!" Alice barged into my room that morning and yanked the covers from me and onto the floor. She waited until I was sitting up and glaring at her for interrupting the little sleep I'd been able to get, before demanding that I speak.

"We're taking a break." I muttered, my heart thumping painfully at my own words.

Alice jumped onto the bed and sat across from me, her tiny hands rested on my crossed legs, "A break? What does that mean?" her words were disbelieving and I knew exactly what she was thinking- that most breaks usually ended up permanent...

"Jasper told me Edward was going to tell you that he couldn't have kids, is this what this is about?" she asked and I nodded.

I was not expecting her reaction.

"Bella Swan! What is wrong with you?" she yelled, "That's a really crappy reason to break up with the man you love! There are so many options-"

"Alice!" I stopped her just before more sobs started ripping through me. "I didn't...he..."

"Oh Bella." Alice said soothingly, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. "It wasn't you, was it?" she finished my earlier attempted sentence, "I'm sorry."

"He wants me to think about want I truly want. All I want is him Alice." I cried.

"Have you told him that?" she asked and I nodded my response.

"He doesn't believe me."

"Silly boy." she muttered, "He's the only one that doesn't see just how much you love him."

**Tuesday Night/****Wednesday Morning **

"Edward!" I exclaimed happily when he opened the door to me.

The green eyes I loved didn't show any emotion as he looked at me, in fact he didn't even say anything- just stood there, the door half closed.

"Edward? I said again, this time timidly, "Can I come in?"

Finally he spoke, "That's probably not a good idea." his velvet voice sounded like steel. "Bye Bella." he closed the door in my face

Suddenly the scene changed- I was watching from the outside as a beautiful blonde clad only in his shirt approached him at the door.

"Who was that, baby?" she purred into his ear.

"No one," he smiled my smile, "Some one in my past, we ended up on a break."

The blonde giggled, "We all know what that means."

Then there was the sound of some one crying, more like sobbing and it was getting louder and louder...

That's when I jerked awake and realised that it was me sobbing and that it had all been a horrible dream. At least, I hoped it had been a dream.

What did this break mean to Edward?

Did he want to try seeing other people this week? The very thought broke my heart...I tried to settle back to sleep- it was 3am Wednesday morning- and I actually needed to get some work done tomorrow...today.

Thank goodness my work was wherever I was- being a freelance writer was perfect for situations like this where I'd probably be useless in an office fill of people.

**Thursday**

I'd debated about this ever since my dream on Wednesday morning. He'd wanted a break? Had that meant for calls too? I bit my lip and flipped my cellphone over in my hands. I needed to hear his voice, to reassure myself from the doubts that had plagued me these past few days...

I hit dial.

The monotonous rings didn't calm my pounding heart rate and then it dawned on me that it was ridiculous to be nervous.

"Bella?" he answered, surprise evident in his voice. Well surprise was better than the emotionless tone in my dream.

"Yeah. Hi Edward." I finally found my voice to speak up.

"How are you?" he asked, his velvet voice warm and genuinely curious. I missed him so much in that moment.

"I've been better. I want to see you, Edward." my voice may have come out as a whisper, a near whimper, but at that moment I didn't care.

He let out a long sigh and I could imagine his hand running through that crazy hair of his, "Bella, sweetheart, I want to see you too." he said. I detected the same longing in his voice and my heart lifted."But I know you, love." he added, "You've been sad and moping these last few days, you haven't given proper thought to what we talked about. Your feelings for me are keeping you from thinking logically."

I understood where he was coming from but I still felt anger and frustration at his words anyway.

"I don't need to be coddled Edward! I know my heart; I know my feelings and what I want! Bye."

Then I hung up and my heart ached at the loss of the sound of his voice.

A few seconds later, my phone beeped with an incoming text message.

_B-_

_I miss you too. I'll see you Saturday. Thinking of you every second til then._

_-E_

His sweet text started the uncontrollable waterworks- at least now I knew he wasn't using this as an excuse to date some one else.

**Friday**

After e-mailing in some of the writing I'd done for a local magazine, I made myself a nice cup of coffee and headed outside to our modest balcony. I leaned forward against the railing, my elbows supporting my weight as I sipped my drink. I had some thinking to do.

I'd realised that Edward had been right; I had been miserable and hadn't done what he'd asked me to.

So as I gazed out, watching the sky darken to evening, I thought about children.

Immediately the image of a bronze haired little boy popped into my head and it already solidified what I already knew.

I couldn't see a future with anyone else but Edward, he was it for me. Kids had always been something I'd taken for granted, something I had always just assumed I'd have one day, but I found now that the idea of adoption was a beautiful one. It didn't have to be biological to be ours. And I only wanted that option with Edward.

Tears had started running down my cheeks at my revelations and I suddenly found that I couldn't wait until tomorrow to see Edward again. I needed to sort this out with him today. Now. He was still all I wanted.

Cheeks still stained with tears, I let Alice know where I was going and practically ran down to the parking garage and to my car.

I knew what I needed to do.

x-x-x-x-x

"Edward!" I banged on his front door, not caring if the neighbours complained- this was important, late at night or not.

"Bella?" the door flung open to reveal Edward and his warm smile. His smile quickly turned to a concerned frown when he saw the tears I hadn't managed to control on my way here.

"What are you doing here, love? What's wrong?" he grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

"Honey, what's wrong?" his tone was more urgent now as he closed the door and pulled me into his arms.

"I can't do this anymore, Edward." I said firmly, the tears making my voice husky.

Edward tensed and let go of me.

"Oh." He murmured, "Well I guess I don't blame you…"

I blinked up at him in confusion until I realised how what I said could have sounded like to him.

"No Edward, no!" I grabbed his t-shirt to draw him back to me, "I mean that I can't spend anymore time apart from you when I already know what I want." I gazed at him earnestly, hoping he could see that I meant it, "I _know_, Edward. You're it; I can't see myself with anyone else, yet alone having kids with them!" I drew in a breath, "I love you, Edward."

Barely a second later I was crushed against his warm chest, his face buried in my neck. After another moment, he led me to the couch, pulling me down sideways on his lap.

"What about later, Bella?" his voice was a whisper and I vaguely realised he was also trying not to cry, "I want so badly to see a beautiful little girl with your hair, your eyes…" he paused to close his eyes and swallow the lump of emotion in his throat, "I wanted to be a father." I barely heard his words, for I watched as something inside of him gave way, and he buried his head in my neck, his shoulders shaking from the force of his emotions.

I didn't hesitate; I immediately tightened my arms around him, holding him as my own tears ran unchecked down my face. It hurt me to see how badly this affected him, it wasn't a trivial hang up as I'd once thought- he'd honestly considered this a deal breaking flaw. And maybe for some, it would be- but he meant more to me than that.

Eventually he calmed and brought his red rimmed eyes up to look deeply into my own.

"I couldn't wait until Saturday." I joked meekly, trying to lighten the mood.

Edward didn't respond with words, instead he dipped his face down to mine in a kiss that was deep and achingly loving. I threaded my fingers through his hair and lost myself in him, the taste of our tears mingling, proving that this was so much deeper than we knew.

He pulled back slightly, just a breath away, "I love you too." He murmured, his kisses moving to whisper down my neck, "So much. I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"Don't talk like that." I protested weakly- weakly because his confession of love and his kisses had reduced me to a puddle of mush.

Then he pulled back further so he was looking at me seriously, "Bella, surely you want children one day?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Someday, we will have kids Edward." I told him, "We'll adopt that little girl with brown hair and love her like she was our own."

"You'd do that with me?" he asked in awe, "And here I was thinking that you couldn't get anymore beautifully selfless."

I snuggled into his chest, "I wouldn't consider it with anyone else."

"You wouldn't have to." He said sadly.

I elbowed him in the stomach, "Stop it." I hissed, "I love you, I accept you, you're stuck with me, so stop holding it against yourself."

He sighed and I felt the tension drain out of him, "I love you too." He said, "It feels good to finally tell you that. I didn't want to tell you how deeply I felt for you in case it made your decision biased."

"It wasn't really a decision so much as a revelation that I couldn't live without you." I murmured, distracted by how his fingers were tracing random patterns on my back.

"I can't live without you either." He told me lovingly, "Say you'll marry me, Bella? I feel selfish asking like this and one day I will get down on one knee and ask you properly, but right now, I just want you to know that that's where I'm at and that I want you forever."

"Of course I will." I gave him a smile and he leaned in to kiss me passionately.

And it was the best damn kiss ever, simply because we knew where we were now and there was nothing that could end us without a fight.

**So…I had an idea when I was writing this, anyone want a sweet lemon? (It would follow directly after this chapter.) Poll up on my profile :-)**

**When I get time again, I still want to do the outtake from when Alice goes to verbally attack Edward- that could be fun ;-)**

**Please review?**


End file.
